Tuesday, March 10, 2009

"What on earth have you done to poor Mr. Darcy?"

My girlfriend sent me this link today: Are Chick Flicks Wrecking Your Relationship?

Why did she send it? You might ask. Because I LOVE a good chick flick. I will watch a good chick flick repeatedly. I will email her pictures of hunky, dreamy leading men (current favorite ~ Gerard Butler ~ and coincidentally, page two of said article mentions him specifically). Truly, I love the fantasy romance of chick flicks. Because I love a happy ending, dang it! I love that Harry and Sally’s wedding cake had the sauce on the side!! I find that today’s world is so depressing sometimes with all the reality shows, shock TV shows, the news. UGH. Enough already. Give me a good fantasy where la la la everyone ends up happy (horrors ~ I know)!

That being said, the title of the article hit home with me! What if chick flicks were ruining my relationship? I’ve been married for nine years. I believe we are happy. We have had our moments but I have not considered with any seriousness leaving or throwing him out. I anticipate growing old with him because I am pretty confident that he loves me like no other (sigh), but what if? What if I should stop watching (and re-watching) my beloved chick flicks?

While normally, I do not read Cosmo or take stock in its articles, I have read and re-read this one. I have come to the conclusion that it is completely ridiculous. In an effort to defend the chick flicks I love so well, hereforto are my arguments!

Their Point One:
You're Constantly Thinking, "That Would Never Happen to Us!"

I can guarantee you I have never thought this when watching a chick flick. Not once. Not one little smidgen. I have, however, chanted it repeatedly while witnessing failing marriages or horrible relationships of friends and acquaintances. Arrogant? Maybe. Over-confident? Probably. Hopeful? Most definitely. So while this may be a valid relationship wrecker, I don’t think it is a direct consequence of chick flicks. (WAIT! I have said this! While watching Disney’s “Sleeping Beauty.” I do not forsee us dancing through the woods while singing “I know you, I’ve walked with you once upon a dream. It is on my bucket list though, so I will not say never.)

Their Point Two:
You're Keeping Score (Me: 3, Him: 0)

This is such old news. Anyone read “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus?” This is a classic difference between men and women. Man goes to work – score to man, 100; score to woman, 1. Women have been thinking this long before moving pictures. Like back in the days of Noah! Mrs. Noah was complaining that Noah never did anything around the ark. His rebuttal? He built the ark, so he shouldn’t have to do anything else. Typical. What does this have to do with a chick flick? Maybe I am watching the wrong chick flicks. Again, if I keep score, it’s because I am doing waaaay more than him and he needs to catch up. (However, I think in the points race, I am behind. He does laundry after all. And cooks dinner. And tends the garden. And shovels my car out. And reads my blog. Oh crap, I am way behind!!!!)

However, this point does offer solid advice:

The solution is simple. If you're about to do something nice for your man, ask yourself whether or not you'd be mad if he didn't return the gesture. If your intentions are purely to surprise him or make him happy, then go for it. If you're secretly hoping it inspires him to suddenly transform into Gerard Butler in P.S. I Love You, then stop yourself then and there.

Oh, and Gerard Butler is hot by the way.

Where was I? Oh, Their Point Three:
3. You're Positive It's in the Stars
“It is your destiny.” ~ Darth Vader

Hmmm. Karma? Fate? God lending a hand? Yes, some chick flicks play the destiny card (Sleepless in Seattle, anyone?) But, I won’t blame the chick flick for getting it into our heads that we may or may not be destined for someone. After all, just because I love to eat and love all thing irish, doesn’t mean I was destined to marry an irish chef… (oh, wait… I did that…)

The only intelligent paragraph in this article states:

Researchers from Heriot-Watt University in Scotland found in their study that romantic comedies can create unrealistic expectations for love and relationships — especially when it comes to communication. Turns out that chicks who love romance flicks are prone to mind-reader-itis: that is, they expect their guy to know what they want or how they're feeling without having to tell them.

I do believe this to be true. And while it is true, I don’t think the chick flick is to blame. I think society, soap operas (which was all we had to watch after school when we were impressionable teens), Broadway (Marius and Cosette? Christine and Raoul?) and music have all had a huge influence. Literature alone has corrupted us. After all, who after reading Twilight did not want to get all snuggly with Edward (sigh). Who hasn’t longed for their partners to be so into us that it turns us to mush?

At the end of the day, I think impressionable people might be swayed by a chick flick or novel or song or their own imagination. We can’t blame any one thing for it. As for me, I will watch my chick flicks. I will continue to ask my beloved to grow his hair out like a rouge, speak in an Scottish accent while wearing a kilt and bite my neck. After all, I get enough reality every day.

Favorite quotes that make me weak in the knees!

“You are my life now.” ~Edward, Twilight (Stephenie Meyer)

"In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you." ~ Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)

"I prayed all the way up that hill yesterday," he said softly. "Not for you to stay; I didna think that would be right. I prayed I'd be strong enough to send ye away." He shook his head, still gazing up the hill, a faraway look in his eyes.

"I said 'Lord, if I've never had courage in my life before, let me have it now. Let me be brave enough not to fall on my knees and beg her to stay.'" He pulled his eyes away from the cottage and smiled briefly at me.

"Hardest thing I ever did, Sassenach."
~ Jamie, Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)


Kristina P. said...

You mean, the kiss in the rain, from The Notebook isn't real?

Anonymous said...

BRAVO!!! I love how there is a justification for why relationships fail. You know countless men and woman will now use it as their scapegoat. And as for the huge mistake theory yes there are some punches you have to roll with but when he starting up the affair alley sorry but that is inexcusable in my book and so no I wouldn't 'roll with that punch'. I am so glad you defended the movies; I agree with you it's everything we let filter in that puts unreasonable expectations. Oh well down from my soap box.

Yeah I am still holding out for my hubby to dance with me in the woods and to wear a kilt. What is it about those kilts, they drive me crazy.

Melanie Jacobson said...

My first reaction is, "This is silly." But then I think certain ladies I know and...well, in some cases, the article may have a point!

CountessLaurie said...

Alright, seriously, how did the word QUILT get where KILT was supposed to be? I have corrected the error, but I cannot believe it actually said I want my beloved to wear a quilt? Is this some spell check fluke or is it a a freudian slip that I really do want him a quilt? Ok, it was weird. And thanks Laura for not making fun of me... Kilts are hot, quilts are warm and snuggly :-)

jacjewelry said...

You bring up a few points to think about...I am pretty sure I've cried multiple times during every chick flick I've ever watched. Sometimes I think, "There really is no reason for crying!", but I still do.

I do take those with a grain of salt - I've always said that after all, they're just movies...

Anonymous said...

Since the need for gratification is sometimes overrated and there are only so many places that one can comment, I have been instructed to comment on the blog. I have seen the beloved in a quilt, in fact I didn't see it as a typo but as something the household does. I have seen all of you in quilts.

The obsession with girly movies is a real thing that some will have (you however, I truly believe are grounded in your life). We all need an escape from reality. I myself believe that someday my beloved will arrive home wearing a cowboy hat holding a bouquet of roses because Kenny Rogers told him to. Obsessions are a fact of life and we all need them. It is part of what defines us.

The author of this originnal post should be a writer. I enjoy reading all that is written.

Annette Lyon said...

Great post. (Your guy does laundry and cooks?! Major points!)

Thanks for dropping by. I thought I'd return the comment. :D

(My husband doesn't comment either.)

Dave said...

What a bunch of girl stuff. What about the REAL movie quotes... "Go ahead, make my day."

Like the picture of the babies both yawning at once

Anonymous said...

So, is my name Gerard tonight or is it still Edward?
Dave the husband.