Thursday, January 28, 2010

Tee Hee ...

Sunday, January 24, 2010


The rest of you,

Friday, January 22, 2010

In Just A Few Hours



I am really sorry for you. No, really, I am. And because I am, I will have one of these for YOU. Yes, because that is how nice I am.

What I really wanted to say...

But for once, managed to keep my mouth shut was ...

Play along. It's a chance to get that out of your system without whacking anyone. Chief is the way cool creator and host so play along. If you can't play along because your fingers are broken and you are surfing your google reader with your nose, at least check out her funny blog! Here.

Anyway, here is what I would have said if I had the nerve and/or cajones or actually thought of it at the time ...

What I said:
Scott Brown won the Senate seat? Hurray.

What I meant to say:
Hurray! Yahoo. Way to go, Massachusetts!! Happy, happy, happy! Happy, happy, happy! BRING ON THE CONFETTI!

What I said:
No, I don’t want a taxi.

What I meant to say:
Are you freaking kidding me? My feet are about to explode into one big blister and you think I want to walk another 20 blocks to eat dinner? Oh, I am going to kill you. You know that, right? Did I mention it’s my 40th birthday?? Can you see the flip flops I am wearing?? And I had a pedicure yesterday. The baby skin can’t take it. And now I am going to limp through Miami like an idiot. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your privates!! Oh, you know who you are…

What I said:
I love you.

What I meant to day:
Honey, I love you more and more every day. You are one of my top three favorite things God has blessed me with. I hope someday I am worthy of this love and happiness you give me every day! I can’t wait to see you in a couple days.

What I said:

What I meant to say:
(Censored to protect the innocent. But it may appear on Blerapy soon!)

Tuesday ... was three days ago ...

Oh by now all of you know about Post It Note Tuesday. I do love it so I am playing even though I am three days late. Play along. If you can't play along, go check out Supah, cuz she rocks.

The Long Anticipated, Much Dreaded Four Oh

When I was 13, I used to tease my friend Katrine that I was going to be 16 before her. As fate would have it, I was 7 days older and I was going to get to experience all life had to offer before her. 16. (Nah Nah, I get to drive first!) Then 18. (Neener Neener I get to vote first!) Then 21. (HA! I can legally go to a bar first!) To which she would always reply, “Yeah, but you will be 40 before me.”

Well, 27 years later (holy heck!!!), I have finally reached that milestone. To tell you the truth, I feel about 20. I don’t know how these kids of mine have reached advanced toddlerdom while I haven’t aged a day! It’s a great mystery. Or how I could possibly be celebrating my 10th anniversary next month, when it was just yesterday we got married. Or how 27 years have passed since Katrine and I would tease each other about turning FORTY!!

So, Monday was the big day! My company decided to hold its annual sales conference in Miami this year, so I would need to travel on my 40th birthday.

My husband and children got up early and made me birthday pancakes. Among the gifts was a new heat blanket, because they know that when I return from the delightful, warm, sunny, beachy clime of Miami, I will be cold. And we all learned that sticking an itty bitty wax candle into a hot pancake is a bad idea.

Mother Nature blessed me with about 6 inches of wet, slippery, totally yucky snow for the drive to the airport. Luckily, my lover owns a 4-wheel drive vehicle and it was MLK Jr. Day, so traffic was light.

I arrived at the airport and hooked up with my co-workers who are world travelers. They would take care of me, I knew. I just had to stick to them like glue. The VP of Engineering called the VP of Marketing who got us into the American Airlines executive lounge. This is a perk apparently if you fly more than you drive. I accompanied them behind those delightful glass doors where they have nice, cushy chairs and desks and free coffee and fruit and I could go on…

Then (my new best friend) the VP of Engineering says that he can try to get my coach, back of the plane seat upgraded, since he is “Executive Platinum”. AND HE DOES. (And we didn't even have to use the standby "it's my birthday" trick.)

So, I got to fly to Miami on my 40th birthday in First Class, drinking mimosas and having warm mixed nuts. I kid you not. After a warmed towel (was it for our hands or face? Not really sure.) they presented me with a lovely little ceramic bowl of warm nuts.

Well, heck, 40 was starting off alright!!

AND … my BBFF Chief and MaeRae gave me shout-outs. I just love the shout-outs! And Chief gave me a sweet, yummy, delicious treat to boot! So instead of teasing me and telling me how I am going to fall apart at 40 (like my husband), just go over there and tell them how awesome you think they are for publicly giving me some love! And you might even get to see some hunky almost nakedness!!

*Cake created by Creations by Skip. Skip makes some mighty fine cakes. Go check him out. He is not going to end up on Cake Wrecks unless it's a Sunday!!

Catching Up

For all those who missed me, I was extremely busy with first Christmas and then work. For Christmas, I decided to make a lot of our gifts, thinking that a homemade gift would be cherished and appreciated. That's a post coming soon to a blog near you. Then, we had our annual sales meeting in Miami this week and I am now heading to Grand Cayman for the weekend. Thanks for continuing to check in. Regular posts should be coming after I get back. Meanwhile, I am uploading a bunch today. Enjoy!

There I was. Going to Miami. Flip Flops! Needed pedicure. Not much time. Left church, took off tights, threw on glittery blue flip flops and huge flannel coat. Went to nail salon in WalMart.

Got pedicure. Proceeded to walk through WalMart.

My husband behind me hears two younger gentlemen say, “Look at that chick. It’s way too cold for flip flops.”

Me – They called me a chick! Hurray! Oh wait. They were making fun of me. I evaluated my outfit. Dressy clothes, flip flops, flannel coat two sizes two big. I could actually appear on!!!!!!

But, don’t my toes look nice? As seen here in Miami Beach sand.

Sorry, I was going for creative. How'd I do?

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Um, what I meant to say was ...

Now my momma told me if you had nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. Most times, I live by this. I think my husband gets the brunt of when I can't manage to bite my tongue. The rest of the time, I do a lot of teeth clenching!

However, Chief has given me liberty to share what I meant to say. Play along. It'll be cathartic.

What I said: Thanks. Have a nice day.

What I meant to say: Um, Miss Librarian lady? Can you be any more of a grump? I mean, seriously! Cheer up already. Do you get yelled at a lot from irate patrons who can't find the book they want? Is it all that shelving that is making you exceptionally disgruntled??? And it's not just today. It's every time I come in here. I will go to other librarians just so I don't have to interact with you. Good grief!

(But I don't say these things. Because maybe she is suffering from something at home that I don't know about. However, at this one particular library I visit, disclaimer: not in my town, I would say that half of the librarians act like I am putting them out by checking out books. Uh oh, I feel a whole post coming on.)