Wednesday, November 4, 2009
So, there I was being all smug the other day, once again deluding myself into thinking I have perfect children. Your child did what? Ha, mine would never do that. No sir! (Of course I don't say this out loud!!)
Perfect child does something completely horrible, completely below my expectations and it makes said child (how do I say this?) downright typical and average! The horror!
Now I feel guilty.
Why can't I be happy with typical and average? There are soooo many parents out there who would love to have such a typical and average child. Where did these expectations of perfection come from? Is this normal? Do other mothers feel this way or has nature around me (ie. my social interactions) created this monster in me?
Which then leads my overcaffinated brain to thinking about humility. Perhaps this is just a Godsmack behind the knees to humble me. Can the lack of humility have anything to do with my lack of compassion?
Okay, so I not really compassionless. I have compassion. But I am strict with it. I reserve my compassion for what I determine is out of one's control. A serious illness - you have my compassion. You crash your car because you were texting and now can't work, not so much.
Should I be more compassionate? Is this a lesson He is trying to repeatedly teach me, like humility? It is clear I need to be more humble. But in reserving my compassion, am I really judgemental?
Which reminds me that I am 5400 words behind on NaNoWriMo and I really don't have time for these deep thoughts!! Which is why I am apparently getting Godsmacked.
So, sorry if I judged you, was short on compassion and just a wee bit condescending. I promise I will work on it.
Posted by CountessLaurie at 6:27 PM